Geek Parenting

“Ugh! I lost again,” the boy says and tosses the controller to the ground in frustration.

She glances up at him from her computer where she is furiously typing. She has a letter, an email, and the beginning of a blog to write before she sleeps, but it looks like she’s about to have to take a break for a little conversation.

“I can’t do it! Every single time I try, I die. Can you help me get past this part??”

“No, I cannot.”

He groans in frustration and rolls his eyes.

“If you keep up with that attitude, you can take yourself right on back to your room and go to bed. I don’t have time for this tonight.”

His eyes widen at the sternness in her voice, but he cuts the go-to-hell look that had positioned itself on his face. It was almost like flipping a switch. Attitude ON, Attitude OFF.

“Come up here and sit with me for a minute. Sounds like you need a break anyway.”

“okaaaaay….”

“Well, act like it’s torture to come up and sit with your mom for a minute why don’t ya…jeez. Now go get my waterboarding kit.”

“What’s waterboarding?”

“uh….I’ll explain it to you when you’re older. then you’ll think back about how funny your mom is. Or disturbed. Either way.”

“what?”

“Nevermind. Let’s talk about this game.”

He goes from 0 to 60 in less than a millisecond rattling off some details about whatever game he had been playing and what he was supposed to do.

“Wait a second! Breathe. have you been taking methamphetamines?”

“MO-OM! I hate that joke.”

“Yeah, yeah. Now, listen. I didn’t mean we needed to talk about what you’re doing on the game. We need to talk about you shouting at it and throwing a far-too-expensive-to-be-tossed-around controller.”

“oh.”

“yeah, oh. How many times have we talked about this already?”

He shrugs, the way children do when they know any answer they give is not going to help their case.

“More than once?”

“Yeah.”

“Then that’s once too many. So look, you know the drill. When you get pissed off, it is absolutely not okay to throw things that you will regret breaking later. That’s how people get hurt. if you don’t learn to control that temper now, then one day it could be a person you love that you hit instead of a toy. It could be someone special you throw around and break or lose instead of a controller. Do you get that?”

He nods his head, but she is unconvinced that he understands the entire lesson, so she goes on.

“Here’s the thing… life is kind of like a video game. We all have obstacles to face. We all have to complete our missions which are our lives and making the most of them. We have plenty of enemies that can kill us even if we do everything the way we think we should. We have to proceed carefully sometimes and run full blast without looking others—the trick is knowing when to do one or the other. We have to fight battles with bosses like cancer or losing our loved ones or depression. It’s very much like a video game for each and every person. The only difference is you only have once to get it right with real life, you get me? We are here but once. When we have these talks, I’m trying to make sure you do get it right and complete the mission to make the most of the shot you have. And really we have these talks so I can make sure *I* make the most of the one life I have—because helping you be the best man you can be is part of my mission. Understood?”

He nods his head and gives her a hug. “I like it when you talk video games, Mom.”

She hugs him back, full of love for the geek she is raising. “I know.”

__________________________________________________________________

Sunday Confessions! The prompt was lost which, of course, made the gamer in me think of lost lives and this conversation with the kid. Hope you enjoy. Thanks for reading. And be sure to check out the other submissions on More Than Cheese and Beer

Sign and Share Please!!

In April of this year, I read an article about a young man who had been tried and convicted in Florida under the Felony Murder Law. This law is something I’m familiar with and have been against for some time now because it doesn’t apply punishment that is proportionate to culpability in a crime, and I have seen plenty of cases where a person who wasn’t even present or couldn’t be proven to be present at the scene of a crime was given a life or even death sentence for whatever small part they may have played. This was something altogether different though. When I read this one, I was pretty enraged. This was the first time I’d ever read a case where the person affected by this heinous law had absolutely no involvement in the crime nor in criminal behavior at all.

The man in this case loaned his car. That’s what he did to get a life sentence without the possibility of parole. He was drunk at home with his roommate and his roommate’s friends. The roommate and friends decided to rob the house of a known drug dealer and asked to use his car. Ryan agreed. The roommate is on record saying that the only part Ryan played that night is giving permission to use the car. He did not help plan a burglary. He did not help plan a murder. He gave permission and fell into a drunken sleep. He was asleep when the crime was committed.

Plenty of people were outraged about this case. The comments section each time it was shared was quickly filled with people who were angry and who demanded justice for the man in question. I took it a step further though. I wrote him. I sat down and wrote a letter the very day I read about him.

That’s how I met Ryan.

Anyone can read the articles that I have or visit his website or even read the petition I created. Those are all important but can be found easily through Google. I’ll also include them here at the end because that petition is of utmost importance right now. But, what I want to really tell you about is Ryan himself because if you know what I know about him, if you can see what I see, you can’t help being angry and wanting to do more to help him.

Since first writing in early April, we’ve gotten up to 2 or 3 letters a week, and I’ve visited him twice. In that time, I’ve learned a lot about him and what he’s like. He wears the label “nerd” proudly and loves to talk about video games and comic books. Luckily, I have a whole lot of nerdery going on when it comes to video games so we both geek out on letters talking about the nostalgia of gaming classics and me writing about newer stuff I’ve played or watched being played. We talk about music. A lot. Music is really his salvation. A letter without mentioning a band or song is an anomaly. He loves comic book movies, Star Wars, and old cartoons.

Ryan grew up with a very strong woman as his mother. She’s his rock even though these last 11 years have impacted her in ways you could not imagine. She’s his champion and is always in his corner pushing for his freedom. In 11 years, she has only gotten more determined instead of jaded which shows just how incredible her strength really is. It’s her influence that has made him one of the most respectful and thoughtful men I have had the pleasure to meet. 11 years of prison hasn’t changed that or diminished it in any way. He would be mortified if anyone ever accused him of disrespecting a woman or anyone for that matter.

No matter how harsh the prison environment can be, he has never lost his humanity, his will to help others, to do good in the world, and to be something more than what he often sees around him. In fact, if his sentence were commuted, he wants to speak out against the felony murder law to work towards getting these laws changed across the country instead of just a few states. He also wants to use his experiences to help at-risk youth learn the perils of the company they keep.

Perhaps the biggest thing that amazes me about my newfound friend is the lack of bitterness he has. For 11 years, he has been behind bars for a crime he had no idea would be committed, that he played no part in, that he was asleep at home in bed during and yet… he has no anger, no bitterness. If anything, he is one of the most positive people I have ever met. Every now and then, he might have a complaint about the food (dry slices of turkey for Thanksgiving…blegh), but that’s it. How many other people can say that? The last time I visited him, there was also an art student visiting who is preparing to make a documentary about his case. When he asked Ryan how he can stay so positive and not be bitter about the circumstances of his life. Ryan answered that he’s still alive, he has family that support him and love him, and he has friends who provide unconditional and unexpected support. Most people I know have all that on top of their freedom and still can’t make it through a single day with even half the positivity. Knowing Ryan has been an inspiration.

A girl lost her life tragically in this case. No one denies that. But, the theft of Ryan’s freedom by the state is criminal itself. The governor of Florida has agreed to hear his plea for clemency before the Offender Review board on December 10. At that time, Ryan’s sentence could be commuted to time served. I beg each of you to sign the petition included below and share it. Every little bit of support we can give him can only help improve his chances of never spending another holiday season behind bars away from the family who loves him so much.

Petition:

https://www.change.org/p/florida-commission-on-offender-review-governor-rick-scott-grant-clemency-for-ryan-holle-who-was-sentenced-to-life-for-loaning-his-car

Articles:

http://www.thenation.com/article/178984/why-florida-man-facing-life-prison-lending-out-his-car-and-going-sleep

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/04/us/04felony.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

Young Turks video:

http://andrescarrascoq.misitiopyme.com/watch/?v=Q-PLKwJX9-8

Jeopardy J Style

It's Secret Subject Swap day for September hosted by Baking in a Tornado. There were 11 brave bloggers that joined in today. We each submitted a prompt and were given another in secret to be interpreted in our own way and posted simultaneously today. See the end for the links to all the others and to check out the interpretation of the prompt I submitted :)

For now, my prompt was submitted by http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/ and is: Having a chance to be a candidate at the Jeopardy show, what excites / scares you the most? If you could chose the categories, which would you feel comfortable with?

I’ve never really been a big fan of Jeopardy unless the skits on Saturday Night Live with Will Ferrell as Alex

Trebek count as fanship. So, that might be my biggest concern being on Jeopardy—the overwhelming desire to make my name “Turd Ferguson” a la Norm Macdoanld as Burt Reynolds or maybe to make jokes about sleeping with Trebek’s mom as was the running gag on those skits when Darrell Hammond played Sean Connery. Who could help it? Celebrity Jeopardy were some of my favorite skits on the show.

I have a bit of stage fright and nervousness being in big crowds. I’m painfully introverted; I’m not an in-the-spotlight kind of girl. So, that, in and of itself, would likely make me a piss-poor game show contestant. I’m not really squealy or jumpy or too excitable.

All my *girl screams* are mostly internal.

I don’t know that I would really be all that excited, but I’d certainly be afraid I’d trip, fall, and show my entire ass to the audience since I always wear dresses. I’d most definitely stutter, forget to phrase my answers as a question, and make those goofball, idiotic faces when I talk like always especially when I’m nervous. But, it could be fun if I could choose the categories. There are some things I know far more about than others. For example, I don’t know a fucking thing about sports, ballet, or opera which are common categories (according to my limited Google research). There are times I’d like to completely avoid Facebook during football season just so I don’t have to see the idiotic “Let’s Go Dickheads” and “We nailed them (even though I never left the fucking couch!!!!!!!!!!)” posts. And, quite honestly, I live in a town of 297 people. Seeing a ballet or opera isn’t really the easiest thing, and if I’m even more honest, it’s not even a thing that I’d make that much of an effort to do. The closest I really want to be to an opera is watching reruns of that episode of Looney Tunes where Elmer Fudd runs around singing “I killed da wabbit….I killed da wabbit…”

So, what DO I know about then?

Classic Rock History: if you ever want to know the history behind Layla or who was even IN Derek and the Dominos, I am your girl. “These classic rock artists all died at the age of 27.” “Who are Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, and Brian Jones, Alex.” I can answer questions about Woody Guthrie, Bobby Fuller, Duane Allman, Skynyrd…When I love something, I want to know more about it. it’s just my thing. I grew up on classic rock and some outlaw country but mostly classic rock, so of course, it has always stuck with me and continues to be a big love of mine today.

Obscure bands: Yeah, some people say this would make me a music snob, but I just like to say that I love what I love, and I listen to what I love. Once a true, self admitted music snob told me that I didn’t know a fucking thing about real music. It really pissed me off... In fact, I can’t tell you at the time how angry I was. I have to say it was a good thing he was all the way in Boston while I was here in Georgia on the other end of the phone. He insisted. I argued. Music had always been a huge part of my life, so how could this person say this absolute garbage to me? He told me to listen to a band named Baroness, a song called Couer. So, I did. I downloaded the first couple of EPs and their first full length album. I liked what I heard. I did. I didn’t love it at first, but then the song Red Sky came on. Right from the start, it captured me. Something sparked. A minute into it, I leaned back in my chair with my glass of wine and the whole house around me just faded away. I closed my eyes and felt something stirring in my that had long been asleep, coiled and waiting for the right moment to live and man, did it fucking live that night. It started a musical evolution, maybe revolution is the right word. So, no, I don’t really listen to whatever or whatever comes on the radio typically, but it’s because I worked for it. My asshole friend was completely wrong. I did know a lot about music already, but he set me on the right path to find things that meant more to me….that hit all the right notes, so to speak. I’ve expanded on that quite a bit on my own to include so many genres of music, but I found those on my own, listening, opening myself up to it, and caring about more than a catchy tune… So, I reserve the right to be picky. It’s not really a bad thing.

Death penalty statistics: Having written and helped a person on death row for 7 years does not come without knowledge. Well, I suppose it can. If you’re in it for the wrong reasons, if you only care about yourself then yeah, sure, you’re only going to write. You’ll never get informed. And, you’ll move on to the next one like some execution conveyor belt. I’ve seen it happen. But, for me, at least, writing and helping hasn’t come without knowledge. So, I can tell you exactly what the costs are, how much certain states can save. “$90,000 per inmate, per year.” “What is the cost of housing on average for a death row inmate over that of someone given life without parole, Alex.” Correct. I can tell you the projected error rates and the number of people who have been wrongly convicted who were later exonerated. “145.” “The number of death row exonerees up to September 2, 2014, Alex.” I can tell you about the people who aren’t included in the error rates because they’ve already been executed. “The Texas man wrongly executed for the arson murder of his young children which forensic evidence now shows was not arson.” “Who is Cameron Todd Willingham, Alex.” I live and breathe these statistics. Every time I look down at the callous on my finger from writing so much, so often, I think of them in complete and utter horror. It’s amazing what a country can fool itself into believing is the right thing, isn’t it? (Read more of my writing here and here and here.)

Counseling Theories: I’ve been fascinated by human behavior for decades. Analyzing, wondering, interpreting… It was my friend’s murder and the way I eventually dealt with all of that which eventually shaped my career goals to include counseling inmates. And, it’s not *just* about the counseling…it’s about social advocacy and preparing these individuals (who are often thrown in a cage and forgotten until they’re returned to society and pretty much given zero chance to make it) to come back to their homes or make new homes without returning to a life of crime. It’s not going to be easy. I’ve spent the last few years attempting to earn my master of science in forensic counseling, and much of that time is spent learning counseling theories and how those theories apply to every aspect of the field. We’re expected to develop a theoretical orientation while still in school—a theory or combination of theories which form the foundation of our theoretical approach with clients—so it’s important to know the ins and outs of each before making the kind of commitment that will shape the way you conceptualize every case that you ever encounter and with the fascination that comes so naturally to me, the knowledge of those theories has stuck with me especially since I know how important it is to treat the client as an individual and not stick inflexibly to just one theory. There is no one-size-fits-all approach.

Cult Movie Quotes: I suppose this applies to any movie I love and not just the ones that have developed a cult following, but most of the ones I do love end up being cult films. Did I mention I’m an ordained Dudeist priest? Yep, I love The Big Lebowski that much. So, it’s no wonder that I often have a movie quote at the ready in almost every situation to lighten the mood or make things awkward. And then even more awkward as I explain that it’s a line from a movie and I’m not completely incapable of normal social interaction which truly shows that I’m completely incapable of normal social interaction. “The snozberries taste like snozberries” was uttered in the back of a police car.” “Well, meow, that would be What is Supertroopers?” Pretty much any Coen brothers or Tarantino film, Guy Ritchie films excluding Sherlock (D’ya like dags?), SLC Punk, Dazed and Confused, Grandma’s Boy, anything with Will Ferrell except that shitty buddy cop film he did with Marky Mark, Scott Pilgrim, Taxi Driver, Rocky Horror, Kubrick films, Pineapple Express, High Fidelity, John Hughes films…oh god John Hughes films should have their own category. I won’t bore you with all the films I love, but the fact is that sometimes when my words fail me, I don’t mind stealing others’.

WatchMojo.com lists: WatchMojo has a youtube channel. I hate this fucking channel. I really do. I don’t even like youtube as a whole. But, my best friend got me started watching these lists. Top 10 Musical Acts of the 90s. Top 10 Cult Action Films. Top 10 Cash Cow Films. Top 10. Top 10. Top 10. What can I say? I’m a sucker for lists. So, that part of me--the sucker, the lover of High Fidelity, the mental mistress of one Rob Gordon--craves her lists. The rational part of me knows that every.single.time. I watch said lists I get pissed off and yell at the TV screen “you have no fucking idea what you’re talking about!” and then I say, “I’m never watching this shit again.” And then I do. The very next day.

Dating Profile Dos and Don’ts: I’ve had dating site profiles for a number of years now on both Plenty of Fish

and OkCupid. In fact, I have a blog project with More than Cheese and Beer at DoucheArt where we take messages we get and reader submissions to make kitschy art. It’s been sort of a social experiment for me in many ways even though I have met some great friends that way. If I honestly expected to meet the love of my life on a dating site, I’d be sorely disappointed, I’m sure. But, after so many years of this, I can truly say that I can no longer be surprised. “This is something you should never send in a first message to a woman on Plenty of Fish.” “What is ‘i no i dnt no u but wld u kcik me in the balls as hard as u can, I lik ur tats.’”

80s and 90s Cartoons: On OkCupid, one of the sections of your profile asks you the most intimate thing you’re willing to admit. Most people skip over this entirely which always kind of bothers me. I mean, why go on a dating profile if you’re going to be so secretive that there’s nothing that comes to mind to add here. Anyway, my answer is that I cannot escape the comfort of the cartoons of my youth. It’s true. I still watch Ducktales every chance I get. Scooby Doo. Pee-Wee’s Playhouse (it still counts). Tailspin, Batman the Animated Series, Tiny Toons, Darkwing Duck, the Wuzzles, Wacky Races, Gummi Bears, the Smurfs, Animaniacs, Doug… I love sharing these with my son and knowing that he loves them just as much as I do no matter how different they look than what’s available today. We laugh at old Looney Tunes and both find comfort in old Scooby movies. I have an entire cabinet full of DVD seasons of cartoons from this time period, and I would own this category. Like a boss.

Third, Fourth, and Fifth Generation Video Games: So, maybe I’ve played a lot of video games in my time even though there have been occasions in my life when I’ve criticized the video gaming industry for being a bit misogynistic and one-directional. The time period mentioned extends from the original and unbeatable

NES to the original Playstation. I still love games, but these days I watch more than I play. I stay too busy to play many myself and watching someone else play allows me the opportunity to multitask, so I think, even though my knowledge extends to current era gaming, I’d feel safer with the generations I’ve played myself. I actually read Game Informer, watch a couple of video game channels on Youtube, and learn a lot from those stupid mojo.com lists that end up pissing me off. And, no, I haven’t fully revealed my nerdery….To do so, I have to admit that I have a pair of Super Mario Bros 3 earrings that look like actual NES cartridges. My love is mighty and would serve me well in such a category. Unfortunately, my bias is strong, and I would probably get into a fist fight with Alex over my beloved games and turn the real Jeopardy into some awful parody of an SNL skit. If any question asked the number 1 NES game of all time and the answer was not Mario 3, it would be on like Donkey Kong.

Stephen King Novels: I have been a constant reader since the age of 13. I preorder them, devour them, complain when the story lines seem similar to prior works, absorb the insightfulness of the characters, reread them—something I can’t do with most novels, and get inspired by them. He’s one of my favorites not because of the genre he so often writes in but the way he uses these insane plots, these horror and sci-fi worlds, to talk about humanity, to reveal something about a person—a commentary on humanity overall at times—that would not have been revealed through every day, mundane life. Is he the greatest writer? No. And sometimes that side of his humanity makes me like his work even more.

Non-chocolate Candies: I get cravings for chocolate like anyone else, I guess. Ok, maybe not as strong as some people I know, but I have zero will power when it comes to fruity or gummy things. If it’s in one of those categories, I’m all over it. “The combination of Haribo gummies that is like an orgasm in your mouth.” “What is Happy Cola and Twin Cherries,Alex.” Correct.

4th Wave Feminism: I don’t think anyone ever has been an expert feminist. That may sound at odds with including this category for Jeopardy. But, what I really mean, is that feminism is a different experience for every woman. We don’t have to agree on every little tidbit. Some people love that Beyonce has embraced the feminist title and I do agree wholeheartedly that she has pushed it and pulled more women into understanding that feminism isn’t the dirty word we thought it was. I had to learn that the hard way myself. But, do I agree with a big fraction of feminists who think that the way she shakes her ass on stage is her display of radical feminism and embracing her sexuality without fault? No, I think it sells more records than it would if she relied solely on her intellect, and I think that’s a sucky image to give to her younger audience. So, there’s no right way to feminist, but there’s no way to come to some sort of agreement enough that any of us are experts. Or maybe I’m the only one that sees it that way. ha. But, I do know enough about the basics that I would love for this category to be a part of the epidode I’m on. “The aspect of modern society which consistently puts blame for rape and other sex crimes solely on the victim and rarely puts responsibility on the rapist.” “What is rape culture, Alex.” I know what feminism is and isn’t and what the myths are. It’s one of those labels I use to identify myself and my beliefs and something I feel strongly about, so while it may be more serious than a lot of my categories here, I think it’s necessary to shine an intelligent light on the truths in a more mainstream light without the interference of those godawful Jezebel writers.

And since we need 13 picks to include final jeopardy, I’m throwing in Privilege: Privilege has become a big deal topic to me. It’s not something everyone likes to discuss, and it surely makes a lot of folks angry to even so much as see that word. Privilege. Privilege is one of my son’s 3rd grade level homeschool vocabulary words…simple yet so misunderstood in the context of sociology. The idea that we’re born into a lot in life that makes it easier for some and harder for others is a concept that people continually try to deny but that has been irrefutably proven to exist in study after study after study. It’s sort of the climate change of the sociological world. All the experts agree but people have such a hard fucking time changing their world view to align with the evidence thrown before them that they shout and scream and rail against it like somehow being loud and obnoxious suddenly makes the truth no longer true. Privilege is not guilt. It doesn’t mean you have to feel guilty for being born White or male or into a wealthy family. You don’t have to feel guilty for not having mental or physical disabilities. The whole point of the matter is that it’s important to recognize that we aren’t all born on the same playing field. We don’t have the same capabilities when it comes to succeeding by whatever definition we think success is measured. Some of us absolutely cannot just pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and work our fingers to the bone to make it out of whatever dire situation we were born into… We were sold that idea a long time ago…the American Dream. It seems relatively impossible for people to give up that idea that working hard and buying more stuff is the answer to everything. But we have to and until we acknowledge that systemic racism and sexism and other biases are holding people back from reaching their full potential, until we acknowledge that people are targets of the police and the justice system, this country is going to continue to polarize and divide until we absolutely implode into civil unrest, war, and destruction. So, it’s an important topic to me, a vital one really. And I think it’s one that I would treat seriously on the show…

So, it’s not categories like Shakespeare or Before and After but I think it would make a hell of an episode.

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                             Baking In A Tornado

http://themomisodes.com                                           The Momisodes

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                         Spatulas on Parade

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                    Stacy Sews and Schools

http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com/                              Sparkly Poetic Weirdo 

http://www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com                   Evil Joy Speaks

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/             Confessions of a part-time working mom http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                       Someone Else’s Genius

http://dinoheromommy.com/                                     Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com                       The Bergham’s Life Chronicles