Friday, October 13, 2017

Me, The Weirdo

So this week's challenge is called use your words. We each get a set of 5-6 words and write our blogs using each word. No one knows who got what words until the big reveal today. Be sure to check out the links at the bottom for the rest.

My words are: massive, awesome, square, thing, contender. They were submitted by: 
https://www.southernbellecharm.com

Also I apologize for any foematting errors. I had to do this on my phone as the lap top is on the fritz. 

___________

I'm a massive square.

My typical weekend nights are usually spent in front of a sewing machine or with sewing needle in hand with the company of my dogs and cats and a little netflix. I'm not complaining. For the most part, I prefer it this way.

It seems the rest of the world has a bigger problem with it than I do.

I socialize with a few awesome people on occasion outside of family, but that list is pretty limited. What I find when I attempt to expand that group and open my life up to others is that I get tired of other people's petty bullshit or awkward no boundaries lifestyle pretty quickly.

I did it recently--opened up my heart and life to folks I really knew deep down I shouldn't have. History repeats itself and all that. I am far too lenient when it comes to giving people the benefit of the doubt and accepting an apology, and ultimately even though I am extremely introverted I still crave human connection. Here lately I've gotten the feeling I should just stick to the Internet, letters, and my usual group.

That's not to say it has all been bad... There were some fun wine-fueled nights, and I truly enjoy having brought someone back into my life that I can share music with (oh how rare that is). There is no better contender for a place in my life than a person capable of introducing me to music that gives me goosebumps. The way I listen, you're forever tied to that band or song, forever a part of my soundtrack.

But truth be told, I would trade a few fun nights for never having to deal with other people's drama 100 times over. I don't do lies or head games. I'm not the friend who tests people or wants to be tested. I don't need attention or to be the center of someone else's world. I don't get the Mean Girls mentality because I'd much rather build someone up than tear them down even though I am more than capable of both. I don't do celebrity gossip or tabloid trash. I want to talk politics not who is fucking around on who. I want to laugh because we speak in movie quotes not laugh at someone else's expense especially someone I don't even know. I don't need to be drunk or high or with my tongue down someone's throat to have a good time and would rather do any of those things in the privacy of my home. It's just how I am. And honestly if it comes down to it, I'd prefer to post 20 thousand vids or pics of my animals and look sad to the outside world than deal with one night of lies and manipulation to put up a smiling face group photo that folks are more inclined to see as "sane."

The thing about me is it takes a lot to pull me out of my own world. I can be sitting right across from you while you're engaged in conversation, but unless I'm needed or unless the topic grabs me, I'm not really there. I don't connect. I don't want to waste my time on idle chit chat. Get real. Be genuine. Be a decent fucking person who left the race, gender, and suicide jokes behind in the edgelord phase of your teens or leave me be.

What people who breeze in and out of my life don't understand, I suppose, is making fun of a person for being content in themselves and how they spend their time is exactly what makes me completely uninterested in their friendship in the first place.

In South Georgia and perhaps everywhere that eliminates a lot of folks, and I know that from the get go. So why do I bother opening things up in the first place?

I suppose you never know until you get there who makes it on the soundtrack and who doesn't.

_____________

Friday, October 6, 2017

See You Next Tuesday

Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week 11 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

My “Secret Subject” is: You're chosen to create a new superhero. What's the name and powers, his or her arch enemies, and love interest? Are they from D.C. Comics or Marvel? What type of personality do they have?

It was submitted by: http://www.bookwormkitchen.com/

After reading this, I think you will understand this character would be neither D.C. nor Marvel. She's kind of her own thing. 

__________________________________________
"Sir?"

President Chezpuf, hunched and defeated like always when alone, turned his gaze from the television and faced his chief of staff, the 30th man to have the job in the last year, Steven Segal, as he walked through the doorway.

"I have the file you requested, Mr. President."

"That's DOCTOR PROFESSOR MISTER PRESIDENT TO YOU, STEFAN."

"Right, sir. My apologies. Here's the file."

Segal moved to sit the file in front of the president, but Chezpuf stopped him with a wave of his hand, "you know I don't read these things. My words are the best words. Tremendous, tremendous words. I'm not reading anyone else's words. Don't make me fire you on Twitter, Stephanie."

"Sir, I told you when you hired me I can't read too good."

"And you think I'm going to listen to this whole thing?"

"Well, sir, it's a pretty detailed report on this woman. I think all this information is probably stuff you need to know to put a stop to it."

"Oh I will put a stop to her. I have a plan, a huge, huge plan. It will be the best plan to...wait, what are we talking about again?"

"...the file, sir. On Thundercunt. You know the woman terrorizing our congressmen, the one we have no plan on how to stop?"

"We don't have a plan, Sherman? Sad! FAKE NEWS."

Steven shook his head slowly. He knew it was bad when he took the job...maybe not this bad.

"Sir? Do you want the file?"

"Just give me the highlights, Sean."

"This woman goes by the name of Thundercunt. Her real name is Jenna McGary. She's 38, no record. She voted...well, she voted for Clint..."

"LOCK HER UP. LOCK HER UP. What would she want to vote for that loser for? I won the election by the biggest margin in our history. I had the best turnouts, the biggest crowds. We won. Does she know that?"

"Well. Yes, sir, she knows that. From what anyone can tell your winning actually fueled a rage in her so strong that it has mutated her cells."

"I won. I don't think she understands. If it wasn't for those 3 million illegal votes, we would have gotten the popular vote. We won. Has anyone tweeted that to her? What a plan. A great plan. Let me get on that right now. What's her twitter? Put this one in the history books. Trump beats the first super villian."

"She doesn't have Twitter. And you should know, sir, that Twitter is calling her a hero."

"For what? We won. She must watch too much fake news."

"Because she's been changing the minds of a lot of our Congressmen on key conservative issues."

"Ol' Killary must have paid her. I love that name. It's tremendous. Killary."

"That's the thing, sir. She wasn't really a Clinton supporter. It's all in the report if you want to read it."

"Smithers, I told you I don't read the son of a bitching reports. I'm a busy man."

Chezpuf grabbed his phone and immediately tweeted out "ISO: new chief of staff. Must be able to read."

...
In a shadowy office on Capital Hill, Thundercunt was waiting for an opportunity to show herself. She knew Senator Zodiac was due to return from a "meeting" (ahem, a tryst with his mistress) any time. She passed the time reading the latest Post article about her.

"Thundercunt and Her Thunder Thighs of Doom Take Down Another Would-be Rapist with a Bright Future"

What a long ass title, she thinks. And a sad one. Bright future? Why should anyone give a shit about a rapist's future?! She feels the rage boiling up inside her again but keeps reading anyway.

"Police found another body in downtown Washington D.C. with an exploded head. Detectives were able to identify the man as 26 year old Jayonnaise Winchester. Winchester, a recent John Hopkins graduate, was about to begin his residency. Friends and family describe him as a bright young man who never met a stranger. His last Facebook update read, 'I. Love. Bitches.'

Witnesses say they walked into an alleyway after hearing a woman scream for help to find Mr. Winchester with his pants around his ankles holding a woman whose name has not been released to the press at this time against the wall. Before these two witnesses could intervene, both described a woman in a blood red and pink suit, a woman we have come to know as Thundercunt, running into the alley.

The witnesses state after pulling Mr. Winchester off the woman, she clapped her legs together near his head as in previous incidents emitting a concentrated sound wave or some kind of sonic boom, and his head exploded.

We will update the public as soon as more details are available."

She smiled to herself. When the system fails, you work outside it, right?

Just then the door opened. She held back despite the disgusting smirk on Senator Zodiac's face waiting until he closed the door and moved forward. He was too weak not to run if he saw her before she could block his path.

He crossed the office in complete security never once looking around to check things out. She waited until he was seated to approach.

"Congressman Zodiac, I don't believe we have had the pleasure of meeting face to face yet."

His head jerked up, and he let out a high pitched squeal not all that different from a frightened piglet. "I-i-i-it's you."

"Gosh, you are so smart. It's no wonder you're sitting here in this office, A congressman. And so ethical, too, what with you being fresh off a woman who isn't your wife who you want to deny birth control to even though I know for a fact you don't wear a condom on your little, and I do mean little, weekly sessions."

"Huhuhuhuhow...," he stammered but recovered quickly. "Get out of my fucking office, whore."

"Now is that any way to speak to a citizen of this great nation? A citizen who has a present for you?"

He tried to run, but she was too fast. One hand flew to her temple, the other low on her abdomen. With her social justice rage welling inside her cells, she pushed out with all her force hitting Senator Zodiac with her vagina-mind beam.

In almost an instant he was writhing on the floor, crying, pleading. "What did you do to me?"

"Oh that? I just sent you my gift--PMS, bloating, menstrual cramps, PCOS symptoms, and endometriosis pain. You don't have the right equipment, but until that wears off in about a month or so, you'll feel exactly what we feel. Every cramp, every stabbing pain, every migraine, i want you to remember birth control helps. Every time a doctor tells you its all in your head, think about the women you fuck over every time you vote. Think about the words preexisting condition. Think about it every time you vote. Or I'm coming back. Oh and by the way...your weekly visit? She's pregnant."

Thundercunt left him weeping on the floor begging for a hot water bottle and some Midol.


a little visual of TC my son and i worked on together

_______________________________________

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

Baking In A Tornado http://www.bakinginatornado.com/2017/10/murder-by-text-secret-subject-swap.html

Cognitive Script https://cognitivescript.blogspot.com/2017/10/the-tired-worn-broken-aka-victorious.html

The Blogging 911 http://theblogging911.com/blog

The Lieber Family Blog http://www.thelieberfamily.com/2017/10/head-versus-heart.html

The Bergham Chronicles https://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com/2017/10/no-regerts-secretsubjectswap.html