Redo

Today’s post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

My words are:

plates ~ hobby ~ favorite ~ mystery

They were submitted by: https://thediaryofanalzheimerscaregiver.com/blog

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It all started after a breakup.

I mean, sure, it was a a particularly bad breakup especially since it was Dee who got cheated on and walked in on it all, but my own advice had been to find a hobby to sink herself into instead of crying over an asshole who had never been anything but mid in the first place. And I'm not just saying that because my friend had gotten cheated on. Jake really was an absolute trashbag. The only reason he was even mediocre was because Dee made sure he bathed and kept a job. I never understood what she saw in him. So yeah, I thought she took my advice and got a hobby.

But that's where the normalcy ends. And Im telling you I don't know what to do about any of it now.

So we had that discussion, right? I say "get a hobby" not in a condescending internet "touch grass" kind of way but in a "you need something to keep your mind off the pain at least at some points in your day" sort of way. It wasn't flippant. I genuinely thought it would help. Sitting around in the same clothes for 5 days binging Gray's Anatomy for the 15th time isn't exactly what I would call a therapeutic approach to getting over a breakup. She'd done that for a month by the time we had the talk about hobbies. She'd wallowed in the pain enough. She dwelled on it. Lived in it. She still had the same rose colored glasses on when it came to Jake as she did in the beginning, you know? So I went over to her house with a big pot of chicken and dumplings, some mini apple pies, and a butt load of cornbread--her favorite foods. I put her ass in the shower, cleaned up, and helped her dry her hair, and then I went through a list of all the times Jake had been an asshole in my presence. I went through all the times he'd knowingly hurt her. I didn't pull any punches. You know that meme template with Melissa Joan Hart and all the plates? It was like that but all the plates were things about Jake she hadnt ever wanted to admit. And I kept count. Then I asked her to sit down and make a list with the same number of items but about times when he made her feel loved and appreciated and valued in the 5 years they were together.

We all know how this goes. And I think or I thought that was the turning point. She seemed lighter by the time she finished her bowl of dumplings and looked at that sad ass list. Really thinking about the reality of him as a partner and not just the truth she'd made up to keep herself sane made her feel better about him being gone. She was actually angry that she'd spent this much time crying over him.

It was definitely a turning point but not the one I thought.

She did the thing a lot of women do after a bad breakup. She got her hair done--fiery red--and started working out. The gym membership turned to martial arts because she might need to defend herself if "things go wrong" which should have worried me but I let it pass. All women have thought like that about getting back into the dating pool with men... She traded Gray's Anatomy for going to a psychic. Weird but maybe she was getting something out of it? At least it wasn't texting Jake that she missed him and crying into a wine stained sweatshirt that used to belong to him. She also spent a not insignificant amount of time sort of cataloguing her life in a journal of sorts but she had spent a lot of time narrowing things down to 5 minute windows if she could find the right data to get her to that conclusion which.. also weird. But not alarming really? I thought maybe she was really pouring over these memories and events so she wouldn't make the same mistakes again. Funny how that turned out to be true but not in the way I imagined.

I came over a few weeks later and found her pouring over some kind of science textbooks. I have zero ability to understand quantum physics, so I had no idea what the fuck she was actually reading at the time, but she seemed to be enjoying herself. And even though something was nagging at me about it, I figured learning some new stuff was better than pining over an asshole. I'd been the one to tell her to find new things to keep her occupied and not stalking his and his new girlfriend's socials looking for things to upset her. I told her to keep herself occupied. And she was... I just didn't think it would end up being the worst advice I'd ever given.

You see I thought I was being honest. I'd made the list right? I'd just wanted to take the blindfold off. It was such a fucking mystery to me that she still, after all he'd done, loved him so naively. So fully. So undeservingly. I wanted her to see that he wasn't worth all the bullshit she was putting herself through. I wanted her to decide she could rebirth herself from this mess better and stronger and more capable of seeing through men's bullshit now.

I guess I just didn't realize how angry she was? She got herself in shape. She did the hair thing we all do. She poured herself into learning some science and then I showed up tonight and she has a new shed. A workshop of sorts really. And, well, there was this giant metal thing she was WELDING on when I walked in... I've never seen her do anything of the sort. So I ask her, ok? Of course I did. I ask her what she's working on.

Her answer? A time machine. She consulted a fucking psychic who put her in touch with someone who gave her the blueprints and the books. A time machine. She says my list made her realize how much of her life she wasted on him and now she's going to go back for a do-over. A repeat. A don't go on the second date type of situation. Leave him high and dry on the first date sort of thing. She quit her job to do this full time because she says she's going back and will still have the job and I don't know what to do because she's ruining her life for this. I wanted her to be mad but not like this. Who do I tell? What do I do?

I think I'm gonna go find this psychic and kick her fucking ass because who in the fucking world suggests time traveling?? But then what? I have nothing good to say about the guy and she didn't want to hear any of my "naysaying" tonight. I didn't really get her into this mess--not entirely--but I definitely didn't help matters, so I have to do something, anything.

But how do you talk sense into someone as blinded by rage as they were by misplaced love? Rage that I planted the seeds for? I'm coming up empty on this one sitting here in her living room and listening to the sounds from the workshop...

Wait. What was that flash just now? What the fuck made that sound?? 

Oh my god. Did she...?

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Links to the other “Use Your Words” posts:

Baking In A Tornado https://www.bakinginatornado.com/

Climaxed https://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com

The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver https://thediaryofanalzheimerscaregiver.com/blog
On the Border https://dlt-lifeontheranch.blogspot.com/

Will She Be Mine?

Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This month 3 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts. 

My “Secret Subject” is:

How did you meet your partner? Tell us your love story.

It was submitted by: https://thediaryofanalzheimerscaregiver.com/blog

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The following is a bit of a short story obviously. Well I'll guess you'll see what I mean about obviously. My actual for real romantic/sex life is just one of those things I like to keep just for me. 

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.

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I met the love of my life at work, ok?

It's a bit of a cliche meet cute that Hallmark has overdone a million times to meet your soul mate at work, but this one might be a little.... different. Hallmark probably isn't telling this story any time soon unless they start making Halloween themed movies. Perhaps a little horror comedy with a love angle...

She wasn't a coworker. And I mean I don't think she actually qualifies as a client either since she wasn't the paying party or anything. It's complicated.

Well that's probably a little understated for reality if I'm being honest but I just never figured I'd feel this way about someone and the circumstances just didn't bother me.

I'm just gonna say it.

I'm a necromancer.

There. It's out of the way now. I'm a necromancer. I don't exactly advertise it or anything. I feel like it's one of those abilities that would send us right back into Salem Witch Trials territory, but the right people know. Most of my work comes from attorneys looking to resolve death issues. I can raise someone for an hour with little effort, make 5000 bucks, and their families get a little closure. Did they leave a will? What did they want done with their estate? And occasionally, how the hell did this happen? Answers from a reanimated corpse are nowhere near being accepted as evidence in court, but with the family's blessing I've been able to at least point the cops in a direction...if the person knew and understood what happened. And I've definitely mended some broken hearts left to handle the unanswered questions after grief. I've been worked with therapists to do some final family therapy sessions. I've worked pro bono a few times for families who didn't have the privilege of having 5000 bucks to see their mom one more time or whatever but for the most part the business was pretty steady and I do ok. Some of my peers take dirtier jobs for bigger bucks like scientific research and corporate espionage or whatever but I just couldn't take that kind of money. Absolutely not my vibe. It's already hard enough being with people who have to say goodbye one more time or who point the finger for their death at someone in the family and everyone coming to terms with a new horror. I had to have a conscience about it, you know?

Which is what gets me about meeting Cecilia.... Like, it must have been fate, right? This wasn't the kind of case I normally take. I don't particularly like working for companies, but a friend of a friend got in touch and needed to ask a former employee some questions about ongoing projects. It seemed harmless enough, easy money. They'd said a half hour tops just to get a few key details down after the sudden death of the lead on these projects. Easy money. I wouldn't even be tired after that kind of time. I was used to a couple hours at least for family to get in their goodbyes which tended to make me a little worn out. I tried not to do more than a couple jobs a week. So a half hour? For a few questions? For the 4 grand they offered? Fuck. Why wouldn't I take it?

But that's not what happened.

I went to the address provided, met my contact, Tom, and raised Cecilia easy enough. A lot of times with older deaths, it takes time to work through the confusion they feel being back and she'd been gone a couple months. That really should have been the first red flag because why would they sit that long on work projects without answers? Then she seemed to instantly recognize Tom. She was absolutely pissed which I took as the confused emotions of the newly raised, but she started immediately cussing him out. They did, actually, work together, but he was obsessed with her and his stalking, from what I gathered from her 10 minutes of ranting, was the reason she'd run off the road that night trying to lose him. And she didn't give a shit for the apology and he better be glad the cops never gave a shit the million times she reported him. And that yes she knew he was only "apologizing" to find out how much hot water he might be in so he'd be real fucking lucky if she didn't find a way to haunt him until he ran to the cops himself to confess. 

He ran off in a huff, probably pissing himself on the way, and both of us immediately started laughing. As it died off, we looked at each other, and I felt like my entire body had erupted into butterflies. The mouth on that girl... Get your mind out of the gutter. I mean, she destroyed that man. The vocabulary, the strength, the take no bullshit attitude and in such a beautiful (and yes dead) package. I was smitten, and by the look on her face I knew she was at least interested. Gayyyyy.

I noticed her face fall at the realization that she was very limited on time now and would likely never see me again. She looked, not to toot my own horn here, absolutely devastated. So I told her I didn't mean to be presumptuous but I could see she wasn't ready to go back and like I never do this but could I keep her company for a little while longer. The smile, oh her smile... We talked and talked and flirted and oh boy was I absolutely devastatingly charmed by her. I couldn't get enough and almost passed out from the sheer exhaustion of keeping her animated. Her spirit was so strong though that I could be with her, present, and still keep that lifeline. I felt the most powerful I'd ever been all because of her.

I don't know where this is going because I don't know how to make it work, but I do know I love her. We've been doing our little cemetery dates sometimes 2 or 3 times a week for a year now. It's our anniversary tonight, in fact, and we have a big date planned--a zombie movie marathon for the dark comedy of it all--and I can't wait. I don't want a life without her. She's insisted I find a live girl and live out my greatest lesbian dreams, but how could I ever forget the way she makes me feel? It's more than love, and I swear I'm getting stronger. I can keep her longer. I can raise other people easier.

But I can't keep her forever.

Our relationship is pretty limited physically. I don't really raise the bodies, you see. That's not possible. I know what all the movies and books said, but they're simply not accurate. What I do is more like a hologram. It just helps to be near the body to do it well with as little confusion and emotional deregulation as possible. So there's not a lot going on here. I used to think that the physical side of things was as important as the love part. Sex is a big part of my life. Or was anyway. Now I'm not so sure I wouldn't be willing to make due somehow.

We're coming up on the anniversary of our first meeting, and I think I just might ask that girl to marry me.

Leave it to me with my past with both men and women to make my life the most complicated and painful (and beautiful) I've ever experienced.Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:



Baking In A Tornado https://www.BakingInATornado.com

Climaxed https://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com

The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver https://thediaryofanalzheimerscaregiver.com/blog