Candyman

I love candy. Truthfully, I love candy a bit more, actually, than I love men (sex with men is perhaps more apt though I do love my friendships with men as well) which is saying a lot. Not long ago, the idea surfaced in a Facebook status to compare two of my greatest loves, and with the Sunday Confession prompt being “without” this week, what better time to talk about two things that I am happier having in my life than not?

Each person’s personality is unique. Personality and all the complexities it encompasses depends on a variety of factors. Genetics play a role and weave an intricate web with environmental influences that builds and alters personality. Culture adds more flavor. Experiences add another layer. With age, development, and experience, personality is affected and is the sum of all we are—biologically, culturally, experientially, and beyond. All in all, personality isn’t something you’re simply born with…it develops and solidifies over time though it’s initial characteristics are typically seen early in life. Personality also often affects how a person interacts in interpersonal relationships especially when attachment style is considered. But despite the fact that each personality is as unique as a snowflake, there are several general categories of partners that we often deal with in life and love. These archetypes, while often differing in small ways, are general categories of our experiences in lust and love, and here you will find them in candy form.

Root beer barrels—old fashioned, a bit nostalgic, a throwback but not for everyone. Some people love root

beer, some people hate it. There’s nothing wrong with going the old-fashioned route if that’s your thing, though. He’ll have traditional ideas about what is expected of women, and while that doesn’t necessarily make him a bad guy or a misogynist per say, he’s not exactly progressive and might get old pretty quickly. A little of this one goes a long way. Do you really want root beer barrels every day for the rest of your life or are they mostly just an occasional treat, perhaps even a misadventure down memory lane?

Nerds—crunchy with a tang. Smartasses with a witty sense of humor that provide little comfort, nothing substantial. They’re fun but not good love material not the long-lasting kind and the flavor is over pretty soon after it begins and so is the fun truthfully…someone to enjoy every once in a while when you need a pick-me-up burst of flavor in your mouth.

Jawbreakers—so many layers that are all basically a different shade of the one before it. You wear yourself out trying to break through all the walls to get to the good at the center which never lasts long enough. It’s so much work for such little reward. You know they’re just not worth your time but you keep fucking doing it over and over again especially as they’re the most prevalent candy in your trick or treat bag.

A pretty piece of licorice—it looks so inviting with the adorable layers of white and pink. That’s the problem, though. It looks so fucking good, but the center is still black and vile. As soon as you pop it into your mouth and get a good taste, you regret it. And, in a few years, you’ll forget all about it and do it again…it just looks so tempting. That’s the problem, though, isn’t it? I mean, think about a hunk of dark chocolate. It’s so damn good, fulfilling, comforting yet it’s just a mass of brownness. A pretty package doesn’t always mean it’s going to leave a good taste in your mouth.

Cinnamon bears—they’re adorable, right? So cute in the beginning and they’re so yummy when you first get a taste. But, then the heat kicks in, their fiery little personas rear their ugly heads, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t get rid of them. They’re stuck in your teeth until you forcefully remove them from your life with floss. Or maybe a restraining order. Possessive, clingy, perhaps even abusive…these bears are better left untouched.

Salt Water Taffy—a classic candy with a burst of flavor that lasts but isn’t overpowering. It’s not too much or too little. One little taste is never enough, and before you know it, you’ve been hanging out with that bag of taffy for years and nothing else compares. You + Taffy = Best fucking friends forever. Perhaps the fucking is literal or perhaps it’s just thrown in for good humor but either way, it’s a comfortable love, passionate depending on the flavor but always a good thing.

Caramel—something about the buttery sweetness of a good piece of caramel is so indulgent. The softness of it against your tongue that fills your mouth with a bit of ecstasy is delectable. Caramel may not be all that passionate, but it’s so good…that familiar lover that you return to time and again because it always knows what you want, always makes you smile, and never expects more from you than you want to give.

Red hots—red hots are similar to nerds yet so different. There is so little substance there, but the heat, the passion can get so intense and addictive for a bit. In other words, the sex is always fiery and passionate but once you’re done with that, you two really have nothing to talk about and you’d rather just go on your way until the next time you meet again. Red hots aren’t really your candy of choice, but a dose of them every once in awhile surely does a body good.

As much as I enjoy my alone time, my solitude, I do find comfort in intimacy on my own terms. I’m not really into the whole traditional relationship thing as my list here probably shows since there’s not one archetype about the “marrying type” or long term loves, but that doesn’t mean I want to live my life without a connection to another human being which is often the inference people make when I discuss not having the desire or need for a relationship that meets their standard definition. The assumption quickly becomes that I live like a hermit without any human contact that doesn’t involve the internet. Perhaps one day that will be the case, who knows? But for now, I keep my candy, literal and figurative, around to satisfy my sweet tooth. It works for me. I’m not living without as others so often think of it. I’m living on my own terms that meet the needs I have at the moment instead of forcing myself to meet a set of social norms that don’t work for me just because it’s expected…and I am quite satisfied with my bag of taffy.

So, what did I leave off? What candy would you add? What kind of candy is your spouse or partner? What kind could you never live without?

This, of course, has been another Sunday Confession with More than Cheese and Beer. Please check out her blog for her own confession as well as those of other brave bloggers who link up. Check out her facebook page for anonymous confessions from readers. And most definitely check out the blog she and I run together DoucheArt to see what kinds of candy we could all live without ;)