Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This month 5 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.
My “Secret Subject” is:
How did you meet your other half? Or if not tell us a love story.
It was submitted by: https://thediaryofanalzheimerscaregiver.com/
There's a part of my life I like to keep just for me so please enjoy some fiction today! Thank you!
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I hadnt slept well in so long I'd lost count of the days--enough to keep going but not enough to keep myself from dissociating into daydreams every time I turned around. Get through making breakfast? Sure. Eat it before it got cold? Not a chance. As soon as I sat down I'd be staring off into space until my grits were lumpy as I was the day I met her.
"oh come on! This is ridiculous! How can you see me?!? Are we just not going to talk about this?"
I snapped out of my daydreaming. Did I really just hear that? That voice? Was I hallucinating?
"Don't pretend you can't hear me. I know you can. Answer the question."
She sounded real, but then again, I didn't know what a hallucination was supposed to sound like.
"Um...hello?" I risked. Holy shit I have to be really losing it. Was I actually dreaming right now? I had stopped being able to tell dream from reality at times, and maybe this was one of them?
"No. Over here!"
I looked around. Up. Down. Twirled and searched the entire room. I heard giggles while I peered out the window.
"Well I guess you actually can't see me then huh? You had me fooled, girl."
I was kinda getting weirded out and frustrated and curious all at once and afraid of my own pending insanity. I half sobbed, half laughed out, "what the fuck is going on????? Did I finally...I've lost it haven't I?" and then promptly burst into tears.
"Shit." I hear over the sobs. I thought I caught a blur of motion, a light orb...something less than solid and then I felt so warm like being wrapped in a blanket fresh from the dryer. And better like a friend had a stopped by armed with tea, fuzzy socks, weed and a white noise machine determined to help me relax and sleep. Taken care of, then. It's like in that moment everything was ok.
That's how I met Frannie, the ghost who lived in my house for the past 50ish years or so.
I know, I know. I didn't believe in ghosts either. I knew all the shows were fake and all that. I didn't go seeking out ghost stories. I just went on about my life insistent they very likely didn't exist, and if they did, I damn sure didn't want proof of it. So no I wouldn't buy that charming doll at the antique shop, and I damn sure wasn't picking up that old trunk someone left by the side of the road. Like I really, really didn't want to test the odds on that. I even bought a house I really thought has a relatively short history with just two owners to limit my odds!
And yet there I was in Frannie's warm embrace in the precipice of a mental breakdown from lack of sleep and not knowing if i was actually already in need of some grippy socks and a long stay at a facility.
"There, there. It's okay. You're ok."
I could almost feel pats on my shoulder. It felt like a milder version of the zap you get after rubbing your socks on the carpet and touching a doorknob. I certainly wasnt having tactile hallucinations right? I mean I was still ahead on my deadlines at work and the house was clean. My clothes were appropriate. I went shopping for a new vacuum the day before. I was ok like for real ok right? This wasn't in my head.
It wasn't.
"Don't take this the wrong way or whatever but what the fuck are you?"
I sense her hesitation despite not being able to see anything at all.
"Um... I don't know entirely. A ghost I guess?"
"Ghosts aren't real, dude. What's going on? Am I on some prank show?"
Oh great. Now she was the one crying. I could hear her. And I couldn't return the favor of the hug either and it was all my fault she was crying so then I started crying AGAIN.
I'M NOT EVEN A CRYER.
Things quietened down but I could tell she was still there. It's like she wanted me to know but she didn't know what to say.
"So you're a ghost?"
"I think."
"What does that even mean?"
"Well. I lived here a long time ago, and that's really all I remember. I know this house. I know it was mine, but it just keeps changing, and the people keep changing. I don't know. I'm just hear, but no one can see me. I really thought you could though. It seemed like you were always looking at me especially lately but...I guess not."
"Well I haven't been sleeping lat--"
"Yeah I noticed..."
"That's a little weird you know that, you know?"
"I'm a ghost."
"Ok. Point proven. But ok so I haven't slept. And I've just kind of been staring off into space most of the time I guess. I dont really know."
She started crying again. And I guess if no one had seen me in that long I'd probably cry too. But I could hear her which was new. Maybe it was the not sleeping. I haven't figured that part out...yet. I don't know if I ever will. I really don't know if I want to know. Would it break the spell or ruin it all to know? If I believe she's a ghost or don't believe, does it ruin it? If I investigate too hard, does she leave? It's been almost a year of having her around. It's been even longer of not sleeping. And I don't know what we have or don't have or what she is or isn't but I know I can't imagine my life without her. I mean, we're not pulling a Bev Crusher on Star Trek or anything with her ghost sex and all that (what were those writers thinking? Seriously?) but I love her. I love making her laugh and knowing when I get home she's there...fucked up because she has no choice but it is what it is. And for now at least, I'm going to love her for every minute we have together.
_______________________________
Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:
Baking In A Tornado https://www.BakingInATornado.com
The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver https://thediaryofanalzheimerscaregiver.com/
Part-time Working Hockey Mom https://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/
A ‘lil HooHaa https://hoohaa.com/
I snapped out of my daydreaming. Did I really just hear that? That voice? Was I hallucinating?
"Don't pretend you can't hear me. I know you can. Answer the question."
She sounded real, but then again, I didn't know what a hallucination was supposed to sound like.
"Um...hello?" I risked. Holy shit I have to be really losing it. Was I actually dreaming right now? I had stopped being able to tell dream from reality at times, and maybe this was one of them?
"No. Over here!"
I looked around. Up. Down. Twirled and searched the entire room. I heard giggles while I peered out the window.
"Well I guess you actually can't see me then huh? You had me fooled, girl."
I was kinda getting weirded out and frustrated and curious all at once and afraid of my own pending insanity. I half sobbed, half laughed out, "what the fuck is going on????? Did I finally...I've lost it haven't I?" and then promptly burst into tears.
"Shit." I hear over the sobs. I thought I caught a blur of motion, a light orb...something less than solid and then I felt so warm like being wrapped in a blanket fresh from the dryer. And better like a friend had a stopped by armed with tea, fuzzy socks, weed and a white noise machine determined to help me relax and sleep. Taken care of, then. It's like in that moment everything was ok.
That's how I met Frannie, the ghost who lived in my house for the past 50ish years or so.
I know, I know. I didn't believe in ghosts either. I knew all the shows were fake and all that. I didn't go seeking out ghost stories. I just went on about my life insistent they very likely didn't exist, and if they did, I damn sure didn't want proof of it. So no I wouldn't buy that charming doll at the antique shop, and I damn sure wasn't picking up that old trunk someone left by the side of the road. Like I really, really didn't want to test the odds on that. I even bought a house I really thought has a relatively short history with just two owners to limit my odds!
And yet there I was in Frannie's warm embrace in the precipice of a mental breakdown from lack of sleep and not knowing if i was actually already in need of some grippy socks and a long stay at a facility.
"There, there. It's okay. You're ok."
I could almost feel pats on my shoulder. It felt like a milder version of the zap you get after rubbing your socks on the carpet and touching a doorknob. I certainly wasnt having tactile hallucinations right? I mean I was still ahead on my deadlines at work and the house was clean. My clothes were appropriate. I went shopping for a new vacuum the day before. I was ok like for real ok right? This wasn't in my head.
It wasn't.
"Don't take this the wrong way or whatever but what the fuck are you?"
I sense her hesitation despite not being able to see anything at all.
"Um... I don't know entirely. A ghost I guess?"
"Ghosts aren't real, dude. What's going on? Am I on some prank show?"
Oh great. Now she was the one crying. I could hear her. And I couldn't return the favor of the hug either and it was all my fault she was crying so then I started crying AGAIN.
I'M NOT EVEN A CRYER.
Things quietened down but I could tell she was still there. It's like she wanted me to know but she didn't know what to say.
"So you're a ghost?"
"I think."
"What does that even mean?"
"Well. I lived here a long time ago, and that's really all I remember. I know this house. I know it was mine, but it just keeps changing, and the people keep changing. I don't know. I'm just hear, but no one can see me. I really thought you could though. It seemed like you were always looking at me especially lately but...I guess not."
"Well I haven't been sleeping lat--"
"Yeah I noticed..."
"That's a little weird you know that, you know?"
"I'm a ghost."
"Ok. Point proven. But ok so I haven't slept. And I've just kind of been staring off into space most of the time I guess. I dont really know."
She started crying again. And I guess if no one had seen me in that long I'd probably cry too. But I could hear her which was new. Maybe it was the not sleeping. I haven't figured that part out...yet. I don't know if I ever will. I really don't know if I want to know. Would it break the spell or ruin it all to know? If I believe she's a ghost or don't believe, does it ruin it? If I investigate too hard, does she leave? It's been almost a year of having her around. It's been even longer of not sleeping. And I don't know what we have or don't have or what she is or isn't but I know I can't imagine my life without her. I mean, we're not pulling a Bev Crusher on Star Trek or anything with her ghost sex and all that (what were those writers thinking? Seriously?) but I love her. I love making her laugh and knowing when I get home she's there...fucked up because she has no choice but it is what it is. And for now at least, I'm going to love her for every minute we have together.
_______________________________
Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:
Baking In A Tornado https://www.BakingInATornado.com
The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver https://thediaryofanalzheimerscaregiver.com/
Part-time Working Hockey Mom https://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/
A ‘lil HooHaa https://hoohaa.com/
Accept love wherever you find it, whether you understand it or not. Great story, Jenniy.
ReplyDeleteGreat take on the theme! Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteAlthough I would love to hear that story I definitely respect your privacy! This is a terrific substitute. Loved the story!
ReplyDelete