Friday, October 5, 2018


Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week 7 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

My “Secret Subject” is:

If you could be any kind of animal what would you be?

It was submitted by:

I took a little freedom with this prompt and wrote a piece of short fiction for it. Hope you enjoy :) It's a bit wholesome which I needed with the current climate.


I woke up that morning and stretched reaching my hands up high while twisting my back to work out some of the stiffness that usually kept me from being able to get out of bed without struggle…but none of that stiffness that had been so familiar for the last several years was there. It was such a part of my life that it almost felt like something was missing, like a phantom limb that was all pain all the time. It felt alien for that pain to be gone in a way that was jarring and gave me pause.

I looked around the room a little, but it was still not light enough to penetrate any of the measures I’d taken to reduce the daylight coming through the windows. The sun was rising judging by the bare sliver of light I could see above my blackout curtains, but it wasn’t full on morning. Not yet. It certainly wasn’t time for me to be up. Not with my nocturnal schedule.

I laid there for a minute more before my bladder screamed at me wondering if I should eat breakfast when I made my way back from the bathroom or come back and cuddle in the covers for some more sleep first. I rolled over to try to turn on the bedside lamp, but I couldn’t get hold of the damned knob to twist it. I tried again and again, but I couldn’t feel my thumb. I couldn’t get a grip on it. And I started to panic more than a little bit to be honest.

A chill hit me, and I shivered. I ran my hands over my arm anticipating a wave of cold, but something was off. Way off. I felt…hairy. Like, you know, ridiculously furry. And my nails felt super sharp even though I’d always kept them trimmed short. What. The. Hell. Was. Happening.

I moved to swing my legs over the edge of the bed and ended up on the floor on all fours, claws dug into the carpet, feeling better, more lithe, capable…predatory even…than I had ever felt before. I had very little time to wonder what was going on before the padding of kitty feet hit my room. They always knew when I was up no matter how quietly I tiptoed to the bathroom or how short a time I was awake.

“Good morning, Mother.”

“Good mor….” Wait. Had I really just heard? Surely, I was losing it, I thought. I mean, I did have 21 cats after all. Most people didn’t think I was all that together anyway. But hearing them? That was new.

I looked across at Mario, the big black and white tuxedo chonker with the kitty stache standing across from me. He sat like a statue, tail perfectly curled around his paws. I reached out to pet him, but my arms wouldn’t reach.

“Mother, please do not panic. We have much to discuss. And, yes, you are really hearing me.”

I fainted. I’ve never done that before, but I woke up with several little faces hovering over me speaking in hushed tones about whether or not it had been a good idea.

“What was or wasn’t a good idea?” I asked.

“To turn you feline, Mother.”

I just sat there looking at them trying to breathe while my vision tunneled, and I felt sure I’d pass out once more. I tried to put my legs between my knees, but I couldn’t get my legs to do the things I needed them to do. I must have looked like a flailing idiot, a fish out of water. “What do you mean? Turned me feline?”

“Mother, you have been so sick the last few years with your-- what you call--cfs, your body failing you. Our boy has been gone on to his new life for awhile now. We thought it might save you to be one of us. Cats do not know this cfs. It can’t ail us like it has done for you.”


“It’s a lot to take in, Mother. We know.”


“Cats are magic. Did you not know?”

“It’s, what, sorcery?”

“Of a sorts. You see we scouted you long ago as a good place for cats to live while we studied humans so we can try, possibly, to take over this world. If there’s anything left to take over now once there are enough of us… Usually, we have to use mind control powers to be able to get someone to house this many cats, but, Mother, you are something different. We thought it was the mind control. We used it, but we noticed the little things you did for us, the toys you made by hand which was never part of any control we had, the songs you made up for each and every one of us, the way you would pet one and never leave anyone out…give us medicine even when we—ahem, Seymour—were not kind about it. Some of the children peed on your things, and we literally raised hell every night. We got into your cheese, woman. We ripped up the house, chewed up wires—it’s a weakness—lost your earrings. And no matter what you still gave us all your love. At some point, we realized it was never the mind control. You kept taking us in because you thought we needed you, and you loved us. Perhaps we did need you. Either way, we want to take care of you now. You’ve done it for us so long. You can be one of us.”

“What about when the boy comes home?”

“We can change you back for that, and anytime we want. Someone has to get us food, of course. Oh and while we’re talking about food. It would behoove us if you go back to Taste of the Wild. Pardon me, but, fuck Purina.”

“So what do we do now?”

“Same thing we do every day, Pinky. Try to take over the world. And lick our bholes and nap.”


Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

Baking In A Tornado

The Lieber Family Blog

The Bergham Chronicles

The Blogging 911

Cognitive Script

Never Ever Give Up Hope

1 comment:

  1. LOL I enjoyed that and yes I do believe I'd be a cat. I have 3 and love them dearly. IF we still had our farm, I'd have hundreds. I'd save them all.
    Now, do you really have 21?