My “Secret Subject” is: Planes, trains and automobiles . . . which is your favorite and why?
It was submitted by: https://cognitivescript.blogspot.com/
You know that feeling when you're watching a horror movie and the music changes? Sometimes it's subtle and builds to a crescendo, and you know a jump scare or some equally fucked up shit is about to go down. Your body tenses, and your heart races, and you feel a little sick knowing it's coming, something bad, but you don't know quite what it is. Your mind is running with the possibilities. You're trying to convince yourself of what the future holds so at least you'll know and can prepare.
Now imagine the thing never comes... the music builds and builds. The tension rises to the point every muscle hurts. Your heart rate is out of control. You're out of control.
I don't remember when exactly it started. I know it's partly genetic. I know a few close-together events probably acted as triggers. But the source doesn't really matter as much as dealing with it. Sometimes I deal by avoiding things that make it worse which is, at best, a bandaid, but it certainly makes things easier. Sometimes I do a little self-guided exposure therapy. Sometimes I take supplements to ease it off when I've been stressed and exhausted from other things my body fights with on top of trying to manage something that is often wholly unmanageable.
Being in a rural area like I am means I can avoid so much. I mean, I can go days without seeing anyone else besides those that live in my household. No crowds. No bullshit. Unplug when I need a break from the news. Lose myself in letters and put my passion somewhere at least to keep me from going stir crazy. But that also means getting basic necessities requires, at the very least, a car. There's no public transportation here. The closest store--and it has zero fresh produce or meat--is a 6 mile bike or walk away. To get anything I haven't already bought online, I need to go by car. And cars are kind of a trigger. Fuuuuuuuuuun. I do okay with routes I know well most of the time, but any amount of traffic and I feel that slow burn of panic welling up inside.
And yet...I still love a road trip as long as someone else is driving. Thanks for always keeping it weird, brain.
We don't have trains here. I've never been on one. Flights without drugs are really out of the question. Being locked in a space for however many hours with strangers?! I'd rather pull out my own eyeballs with a dirty spork.
None of the above is really the only answer I can give to this. I might be perfectly fine without ever being in any of the three ever again to be honest and while that's not necessarily feasible or healthy--complete avoidance--it's still.preferable.
Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:
Baking In A Tornado http://www.BakingInATornado.com
Cognitive Script https://cognitivescript.blogspot.com/
The Blogging 911 http://theblogging911.com/blog
The Lieber Family Blog http://thelieberfamily.com
The Bergham Chronicles https://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com
Southern Belle Charm http://www.southernbellecharm.com
Bookworm in the Kitchen http://www.bookwormkitchen.com/
Never Ever Give Up Hope https://batteredhope.blogspot.com
Part-Time Working Hockey Mom https://thethreegerbers.blogspot.com/
Anxiety runs in my family and some members have severe anxiety. Whenever someone talks about it I'm nodding my head while my heart breaks for them.ReplyDelete
Wow, that was tough topic for you! Looks like you need to start growing your own produce so you don't need to get to the store?ReplyDelete
Out of the three I'd pick the car because I don't have to share it with other (annoying) people taking up my personal space, coughing, sneezing, making phone calls, stepping on my feet, you get the picture. Also the car is the only one I am in control of. I can go faster or stop when I feel like it. I hate, hate, hate traffic jam, though.
I'm with youReplyDelete
Anxiety sucks. Sorry you have to deal with that, and even more so that common parts of your day can trigger it. I enjoy driving. If we lived closer, I'd gladly take you to the store when you needed it!ReplyDelete