My words are: dreams, fall, it all turned out, fun, next step, and worth the wait. You can find them in bold within the story :) They were submitted by: http://www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com
Just fair warning... it's, well, rather bleak.
In her dreams she doesn’t fall.
In her dreams, it all turned out…differently. Life turned out differently, better, fun, fulfilling.
Her dreamscape is a parallel universe where her hike up the mountain that day was just that—a hike, exercise, an escape from the cluttered world of adulthood, bills, errands, and a job she didn’t love. It was an entirely different reality where she watched her next step at the end of that hike, kept her footing, and didn’t crash a few dozen feet into a ravine snapping her spinal cord in the process. There were no nightmarish hours hoarsely pleading for help, no pain, no fear laying in the dark unable to move wondering if something with sharp teeth would find her before humans could. She finished her hike and went home to get a nice long bath before starting another week at work. In that universe, she isn’t a tragedy.
Where she lives when she sleeps, there is no wheelchair, no need for constant care. She has a family there—a husband, Steven, she met on a hike who takes her dancing whenever she asks and 2 children (a boy and a girl named Ethan and Eliza) who always have her up and moving, running, playing, living. They live together in a 2 story house in the country, and she has a writing studio in the attic where she spends time everyday working on her 3rd bestseller.
Even with her busy writing schedule and the work she does around the house, she still manages to keep her hair the *perfect* shade of auburn and at the very least put on some lipstick and mascara everyday even if the lipstick is gone with the first of several cups of coffee. She takes the time to comb through Pinterest and pick out at least 1 craft for herself and 1 thing to do with the kids each week. She helps with homework, tends a garden, cooks made-from-scratch biscuits on the weekend that are better even than her grandmother’s. She jogs every day with the dog that, if she is completely honest, she said was for the kids when it was really more for herself once they got old enough to be in school. She likes the company during the day. Molly, a golden retriever, is quite the listener.
She likes to take long bubblebaths when she has writer’s block and enjoys a glass or two of wine when she’s had a breakthrough day. She loves to tie Steven’s ties in the morning. He knows how, but it’s just one of those things. A tradition. Sometimes she packs his lunch; sometimes he has lunch meetings. But no matter what the day holds, she makes sure to hold him tightly before he walks out the door because you never really know how a moment can change everything you ever thought life would be.
The world she actually lives in, this universe without parallels and wonderment, is mostly the opposite. She did fall off that cliff into the ravine. She did spend hours begging for help hoping beyond hope through the pain that someone would hear her, someone and not someTHING. She does have a wheelchair and does require constant care since she is paralyzed from the neck down. She gave up her career, lost her home, lives with her parents and needs someone to help with even the most demeaning, menial tasks.
There are no hikes, no kids, no Pinterest endeavors. She does have a Molly, but they never get to go on jogs together. Molly depends on everyone else to take her for walks and brush her gorgeous golden locks. She has migraines constantly and panic attacks in the night and more self-loathing than she thought any human could be capable of which pretty much means she will never meet someone who actually loves her enough to take on all the responsibility. She can’t even love herself.
She’s good at sleeping, though. That is one thing she has really been able to excel at in the last few years. Some days she never leaves the bed or, at least, never asks anyone to get her out of it. Even when sleep seems elusive on those nights when her head is throbbing, getting back to the life she thought she would live, the one that carries on day after day in perfect bliss inside her head, is well worth the wait.
Links to the other “Use Your Words” posts:
http://www.BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/ Spatulas on Parade
http://themomisodes.com The Momisodes
http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com The Bergham’s Life Chronicles
http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/ Stacy Sews and Schools
http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com/ Sparkly Poetic Weirdo
http://www.southernbellecharm.com Southern Belle Charm
http://www.thediaryofanalzheimerscaregiver.com/blog.html The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver
http://dinoheromommy.com Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
http://www.angrivatedmom.wordpress.com The Angrivated Mom
http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch Confessions of a part time working mom
http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com Someone Else’s Genius
http://www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com Evil Joy Speaks
http://batteredhope.blogspot.com Never Ever Give Up Hope
http://eileensperpetuallybusy.blogspot.com/ Eileen’s Perpetually Busy
http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com Searching for Sanity
Wow, you did go dark on this one. Knowing that this can and does happen, I can feel her pain. I kept wishing she'd find hope, a purpose, but not everyone does.ReplyDelete
You broke my heart with this story. Loved it and it is beautifully written as always, but you still broke my heart.ReplyDelete
Such a sad story, but one that was written so wonderfully. I am so impressed with the level of writing that comes out of these challenges. This is only my second Use Your Words and I am thrilled!ReplyDelete
Bleak is the perfect word for your story, that was one of the saddest things I've read. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go drown my sorrows in a tub of coffee ice cream. Beautiful job.ReplyDelete
dark, very dark but wonderfully craftedReplyDelete
If only we lived in our dreams - even for a moment. Beautiful and sad account but so very real.ReplyDelete
Dark and sad, but so well written. GREAT jobReplyDelete
Jenniy, our dreams and reality are seldom close. Great job with the words.ReplyDelete
I disagree. I don't think it was dark at all. Yeah, her life wasn't what she wanted, but she found hope in her dreams. There's nothing wrong with that.ReplyDelete
Yesssss! I think back to how it was for me.when I was a kid and escaping to my own dreams and imagination was the only thing that helped me through it. Hope isn't lost for her yet.Delete
wow...what a way with all the words....I got chills. So sad that her only solace is her dreams....sobs.ReplyDelete