Sunday, June 14, 2015

19 Tips for Modern Dating

1. Don’t expect a free meal unless you’re willing to pick up the tab the next time.

2. Do have enough money to cover your portion of the meal or activities as well as part of the tip instead of assuming your date will pay unless this is discussed beforehand.

3. Open doors *for each other*

4. Don’t ask a person you meet online or in a bar to feel comfortable enough after a conversation or two to meet you at their house or for directions to theirs. Respect their common sense approach to remaining safe. It isn’t a reflection on whether or not you are a good person. You never know if your date is planning on making a pencil skirt out of your skin until it's to late

5. Do offer to meet the person in public and do not expect that person to get drunk with you in public or not. Do not get so drunk that you spell “I love you” in pee on the sidewalk in front of your date.

6. If your date spells his or her name a certain way, do spell it that way also. You don’t really have a better idea of who your date is than he or she does, I promise.

7. Don’t question your date’s food choices especially if *you* feel he or she is ordering too much, and don’t eat off your date’s plate without asking first. Some people are assholes about that.

8. Don’t spend the entire date talking about yourself and your hobbies especially if your hobby is collecting pogs.

9. Don’t tell your date she owns too many cats and would be happier without cats. Also, don’t tell her you hate cats. If you hate cats, go fuck yourself.

10. Ask questions, engage in friendly banter, keep the topics as light or deep as the person you are with feels comfortable. Also, even if your date is into politics, please keep your libertarianism to yourself.

11. Don’t offer to eat your date’s underwear.

12. Do compliment the person, but don’t say things like “ I want to eat your pubic hair.”

13. Don’t call your date a tease if you don’t get what you want at the end of the night. Respect his or her right to say no and to wait until a more comfortable time to engage in whatever activities you want like when that person wants to do those things too. Sex shouldn’t be one-sided unless you’re at home alone and your pets aren’t watching.

14. Don’t push or try to force the person into what you want.

15. Do follow his or her cues for a goodnight kiss. It is more than okay to hope the kiss includes tongue.

16. Don’t call your genitalia a ding-dong or tell your date you have a badass “Weiner”

17. Do be upfront about what your needs are in life—if you don’t want a relationship, don’t lie and say you’re open to it. If you wanted the nachos as an appetizer, get the fucking nachos.

18. Don’t disrespect your date’s needs—if he or she expresses no desire for a relationship, don’t decide to wait it out and be a good friend until his or her mind is “changed.” That’s not how it works. Friends don’t fantasize about banging their friends all the time. That is something else entirely.

19. And, I suppose, it goes without saying, don’t be a self-serving dick.


Sunday means Sunday Confessions! This week our prompt was "For" so this is where we ended up over here at Climaxed. Not eating underwear or wearing skin suits. So yeah. Anyway, be sure to check out the rest of the submissions at More Than Cheese and Beer


  1. It's always okay if the goodnight kiss includes tongue! 😜

  2. Sex shouldn’t be one-sided unless you’re at home alone and your pets aren’t watching.
    gawd i love your way with words