Sunday, May 18, 2014

I Want to LOL Your Face, Assholes

There's a fine line between an annoyance--a pet peeve--and something that pisses you off. At least that's the way it is for me. If we were talking about the latter I could climb on my pile of soapboxes and go on all day long about ignorance, sexism, institutional racism, classism, our system (capitalistic oligarchy that it is), biased judicial system, ignorance (doubly so, eh?), and more. By the time I was done, in all honestly, your ears might be bleeding or at least you'd walk away dizzy with facts, ideas, thoughts...or you may be in a full rage from the cognitive dissonance your're railing against.

Either way, being passionate about issues to the point that lack of understanding of those issues can drive you to anger is not exactly the same as a pet peeve.

There are plenty of things I could discuss in terms of pet peeves as well--using text speak in regular every day conversations, not knowing the difference between your and you're (not making a typo...really not knowing the fucking difference), calling me pet names especially from someone I don't know well (hun makes me want to vomit)...

But, perhaps the top of the list is the gross overuse of LOL.

Text conversation:

Me: My roommate accidentally killed our cat today moving the couch. 

"Friend": Really? lol how did that happen?


Seriously? You don't know what to say so you automatically go to "lol?" My cat died and all you got is fucking "lol." Well, that's the end of that friendship.

Dating site message: 

Id luv 2 entertain u all nite long, baby lol

So, do you really want to entertain me or is this a joke? What are we laughing about here besides the fact that you actually just sent me that message? On top of that...this is like so many pet peeves in one. Do you want to make my fucking brain implode?

Facebook Chat: 

Friend: hey, hru 2day? lol

Me: I'm fine. How are you?

Friend: good. wyd? lol

Me: *ignore*

Are you really laughing every time you send a message? Are you high? Is there some joke implied that I'm not getting here? Do you know what English is? Do you even have a fully formed brain?

I just really don't understand the appeal of the whole lol thing to begin with especially in conjunction with anything and everything. I swear to fictional baby jesus that if I told someone I had brain cancer I would get "that sucks lol" as a response. It's like automatic for some people now matter what the topic and it really just makes my skin crawl.

 If you are not really laughing out loud, don't use it or I will LOL your face, and I can promise you it won't end well.

This has been part of Sunday Confessions with More than Cheese and Beer. The prompt, of course, was pet peeves. Check our her page for the rest of the bloggers who linked up today!


  1. I know what you mean on the LOL thing. I have friends where when they respond with LOL, I'm pretty sure they didn't read anything I wrote. They do that offline too, but it's more subtle than LOL. Like yesterday, I tell my mom, "Yeah, I totally lost the car keys. It was so bad I sent Rafael to church with the kids without me since I don't fit in his car." Mind you her church, mind you she didn't notice them there. She was like, "yeah? Huh. hmmm. huh." and I was just like sitting quietly waiting for her to ask a question or huh herself into something, but she went on with huh for a good minute and all I could hear is paperwork shuffling in the background like I knew she was working and ignoring me so much I could hear her work. I love my mom, but I don't think she fully understands the purpose behind conversation, telephone calls... I don't think most people do. I think they missed the memo on the purpose and forgot how to communicate.

    PS. I call people pet names, particularly males, particularly because they do it to girls all the time. Nothing greater than calling some guy, especially on a professional level, "hun."

  2. I prefer 'ha' or some variation of it over 'lol' since it is a lot closer to what I mean: a forced/fake laugh because something was mildly amusing.

    Like you, 'lol' just seems either too literal (I doubt you laughed out loud if you read what I said at all) or too specific to internet lingo. The latter isn't so bad, but similar to cursing a lot, they need to be able to prove their intelligence elsewhere and fairly quickly before I judge them too harshly.

    I did enjoy that the dating website message included a comma. At least that person knew there should be a dramatic pause before "baby". Presumably so a slap or a 'Go fuck yourself' can interject into the conversation. Alas, we're all cursed to talk at one another rather than with one another. Damn asynchronous messaging!