Sunday, February 9, 2014

For All You Hopeless Romantics

I have read, so often lately, blogs and articles discussing the idea that romance is dead. As someone who has had a dating profile for the last several years of my life, I have to say that this idea is preposterous. I mean, just check out the message I received earlier this week:

This person has obviously made himself vulnerable to write and tell me exactly how big his dick is. Isn't that so sweet? I mean, how could romance not have anything to do with squirming? Squirming on the first date sounds absolutely hopelessly, awe-inspiringly romantic. These people who write these articles must be crazy. Or maybe they're not on okcupid, the hub of online romance. 

Here's another example from this time last year. Just in time for Valentine's Day!!!! Look at direct he is with his romantic gestures of SMASHING ME IN TWO. oh. my. fucking. god. It really doesn't get more romantic than this. 

I have never been so swept off my feet as when a man sends me a completely ambiguous message about someone entertaining someone else orally. 

Patrick has tried in no less than a dozen messages to get together every time he is in Bainbridge. My answer never changes. He's obviously one of those "nice guys" and I'm just not into the nice ones. I mean, who takes the time to plan weeks ahead to fuck someone you know nothing about??? 

See how well these guys think out their messages? This is beautiful in its simplicity, right?

Nothing says romantic like a married man gambling on my pussy then attempting to use reverse psychology to see if I'll take the bait and fuck him. I think I'm in love.

They say that boobs are the windows to the soul....

I've never felt so good about myself as when a man tells me that most parts of me aren't all that bad. 

I didn't answer this one either. He sounds like another one of those nice guys who really just love women so much. 

You're sorry that I'm plain hot? What does plain hot really mean? Hot because I'm so plain? I don't know. If you're apologizing for your bad grammar and syntax, the apology is totally accepted. 

Wait, I'm confused. Keep them off permanently or for a long time?

I'm not sure why he didn't respond. I thought my romantic side was on par with his....

As you can see, there is not a shortage of romantic nice guys on dating sites. I don't know what all these people keep complaining about. Romance is dead? I scoff at that. Look at all these men putting themselves out there by offering to make me squirm on their exaggerated dicks while they stare at my hot boobs. 

oh wait. 

This would actually be assholes who have nothing better to do than get STDs from dating sites and spread them around to any women with low enough self-esteem to fall for this kind of shit. Oops. My bad. 

Honestly, though, I don't think romance is dead entirely. As long as the Internet has existed, there have been shallow pricks who would do anything to get laid including exaggerating about their sexual prowess on a dating site message. Before that, guys did it in bars (and still do). Technology has changed the way people can be sick perverts and made it a bit easier to be a sick pervert, but that has not killed the romantic. They're still out there writing each other love notes, making mix tapes, penning songs, and ensuring the people they're interested in feel like the most special being that has ever crossed their paths. It's just the way those people are. It's what moves them, stirs them. To say that romance is dead just because a few more assholes are more blatant about their lack of respect for the opposite sex, to say that a text or an email can't be romantic because technology has changed the way we communicate is just asinine and pessimistic. When you look for only the bad, just as I did with the messages I shared above, it can be found in droves. That's the key to life though...the good is there if you look just as hard to find it. 

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